When the Joy Disappears: A Letter to the Exhausted Early Childhood Educators
- Raelene Ostberg, M.Ed.
- 8 hours ago
- 5 min read
If you work in early childhood, you deserve joy!
You didn’t choose this work because it was easy.
You chose it because you love children, because you wanted to make a difference, and because helping young humans grow feels deeply meaningful.
And yet, somewhere between the long days, challenging behaviors, and constant responsibility, the joy can begin to fade.
Maybe you still care deeply, but you feel tired in a way that rest doesn't fix. Maybe you sit in your car before work, taking one more deep breath before walking inside, quietly wondering: Why does something I love feel so hard?
If that sounds familiar, you are not alone.
Why Finding Joy Matters
When educators make joy a priority, everybody wins. The sense of contentment you cultivate lowers stress, strengthens relationships, and allows you to respond with patience—even during difficult moments. When you feel grounded, you are able to do your best work with children, families, and colleagues.
This belief is at the heart of our keynote, "Finding Joy: Reduce Stress and Break Through Barriers to Increase Your Joy Factor."
In this work, we explore one essential truth:
Early childhood educators do not struggle because they lack passion. They struggle because the work requires enormous emotional energy.
Thriving in this profession requires more than dedication.
It requires intentional care - for yourself.
The Hidden Weight of Emotional Labor
One of the greatest obstacles to joy in early childhood education is something many people don't see: the weight of emotional labor.
Sociologist Arlie Hochschild coined the term to describe the effort of managing emotions to meet the expectations of a role – often setting aside what you genuinely feel (like frustration or exhaustion) while consistently showing what’s required (like warmth, patience, and care).
Few professions demand as much emotional regulation as childcare. One of the most tiring aspects is 'masking'—resisting your natural feelings and instead projecting the emotions required for the job.
Suppressing Stress: You might feel elevated stress while soothing an inconsolable infant for hours, yet you work to remain calm and steady.
Performing Joy: We greet every child with a warm, "I am so glad you are here!" But when that child has pushed your buttons a hundred times that day, that simple greeting can feel like a heavy lift.
Practicing Restraint: You calmly mediate the tenth argument over the same toy, guiding conflict resolution when every fiber of your being wants to shout, "Because I said so!"
Even when you feel overwhelmed and frustrated, you transform those feelings into reassurance, acceptance, and love so every child feels safe and supported. This invisible work is powerful, but it carries a cost. Without opportunities to restore yourself, it leads directly to burnout.
And, recognizing that emotional efforts is the first step toward protecting your joy.
A PD Coordinator who brought this topic to her team shared why she scheduled this critical wellness topic:
"Joy impacts everything."
Why Joy Is Not Optional
Burnout doesn't happen because educators stop caring; it happens because caring deeply without replenishing yourself is unsustainable.
Early childhood professionals give enormous amounts of emotional energy every single day. Without intentional practices that restore joy and calm, even the most passionate educators begin to feel depleted.
Finding joy is not an indulgence — it is a professional necessity.
You spend your days creating joyful experiences for children. You help them feel seen and loved. You deserve those same feelings in your own life.
Your emotional well-being matters.
Your peace matters.
Your joy matters.
Take action with three steps during difficult moments.
Prioritize your own joy.
You give so much to others every day. In order to gain more joy in your life, it is essential to restore your own feelings of peace and calm. Nobody else can do this for you!
*Tell yourself you deserve joy.
*List a "YAY!" each day - Celebrate something you did well in your work today.
*Give yourself mini-hugs and pats on the back. You are making a difference!
Why it works: This isn't just "toxic positivity" or fluff. Prioritizing joy changes shift's from our brain's natural negativity bias and influences how your brain functions, especially in a high-stress environment like early childhood education.
You Deserve Joy!
Practice "Naming the Weight"
A powerful way to reduce the heaviness of difficult moments is to simply label what is happening. When you feel that familiar surge of frustration while mediating the tenth toy argument of the morning, silently tell yourself:
“I am performing high-level emotional labor right now, and that is why this feels heavy.”
Why it works: Labeling the effort shifts you from a place of self-judgment (“Why is this so hard for me?”) to a place of self-compassion (“This is hard because I am doing the invisible work of emotional regulation”).
Implement "Micro-Restoration" Moments
Since educators rarely have time for a spa day mid-shift, focus on micro-restoration. This means finding 30-second 'barrier-crushers' during the day—like the deep breath 6-in, 6-out breath in the car, a quick stretch, or a momentary focus on a single 'joy spark' (like a child's laugh) to recalibrate your nervous system.
Why it works: You don’t need a week off to start lowering your stress levels; small, intentional moments of calm prevent the "emotional load" from becoming an "emotional overload."
When you train your brain to find joy, you aren't just feeling better; you are creating a "calm-resonance" in the classroom. A teacher whose brain is regulated and joyful naturally co-regulates the children, leading to fewer behavioral "incidents" and a more peaceful work environment.
This Is the Beginning
Our upcoming blog series is for educators who want to continue doing meaningful work without losing themselves along the way.
This series was inspired by a recent Finding Joy Keynote participant. She said,
"Do you have a way to give me reminders over the next month? I have never been so motivated toward self-care. But, it may get lost, as it has in the past."
This is series is for you. And, the other early childhood professionals working with families and young children (and supporting those who do).
In our next post, we will explore another powerful truth about early childhood education—one that deeply shapes how educators experience stress and fulfillment in this profession.
Because the goal is not simply to survive this work.
It is to rediscover the joy that brought you here in the first place.
This Space Is for You.
If you work with young children, you carry extraordinary emotional responsibility every day. My hope is that this space reminds you that your well-being matters too—that joy is not something extra, but something essential.
I believe caring for the people who care for children is one of the most important investments we can make.
If this message resonated with you, I invite you to join the Thriving Together community for future Finding Joy reflections, resources, and encouragement for the work you do every day.
Until next time, keep finding those small moments of joy—you’ve earned them!
Sending peace and joy today and always, Raelene
Thriving Together
About the Author
Raelene Ostberg is an early childhood keynote speaker, trainer, and founder of Thriving Together who has spent more than 25 years supporting children, families, and the educators who care for them. A former early childhood family educator, she now presents nationally with early childhood programs, Head Start leaders, and childcare teams to decrease stress, strengthen educator toolboxes, and help professionals rediscover joy in their work and lives.
Raelene has dedicated her career to supporting the adults behind the children. As both a professional and a parent who relied deeply on early childhood educators while raising her own daughters, she brings practical strategies, humor, and heartfelt understanding to everything she teaches.
She believes caring for the people who care for children is one of the most important investments we can make—and that educators deserve the same compassion, support, and joy they give to others every day.